by
CHARMAIN SHALUMBU

I would waste my life a thousand times for You Lord…

I gave my heart to God in grade 10, it was never because I loved God, but God loved me and found me. I remember that I hated going to church. To me God was unapproachable, and His standard was too high to come by. I remember when my friend’s parents were fasting and I remember being at their house and her mom and dad rushing home to the fridge “Fighting over food”; Christianity seemed so odd, boring, and really nothing I wanted to be part of. I didn’t understand why anyone would want to be a Christian. Long dresses and going to church all the time? Count me out. I loved my worldly music “Dilemma by Nelly and Kelly” being my favourite, there was no way Christianity seemed appealing and no one could convince me otherwise. I loved the world and the things of the world.

How did I give my life to God? One day at school (grade 10), there was a girl demonized and manifesting. This was completely foreign to me; I thought these things only happened on TV and were not real. I came from a very religious background. I knew there was a devil, I knew about the 10 commandments and that you should try your best to keep them and maybe God would accept you but demons? This was my very first time to hear and see a demonized person. I was so scared that day that I just wanted to know what I must do so those “demons” do not come to me. They said you must be “born-again”, and that day I gave my life to God.
I didn’t give my life to God because I loved Him or wanted Him. It was out of fear. Little did I know, God was setting me up for a lifetime of adventure with Him. The God of the universe pursuing me in the strangest way. “God can use any situation and turn it around for your good (Romans 8:28).’’ I am glad He gripped me and captured my heart forever.

Over the years I have learned so many truths about God. I had a distorted view of God and Christianity. We can sometimes listen to people and their perceptions of God and miss out on the experience of knowing God personally because we don’t read the Word of God for ourselves. God calls us to seek Him first and to a life of radical obedience to Him (Matthew 6:33). My relationship with God at the time was religious and not relational. I was trying to keep the 10 commandments in my own strength and would fail miserably. From a place of religion, I fell hopelessly in love with God, my whole heart was captured and captivated by His love and kindness. This love changed me, and I could no longer recognize myself. It was a love and kindness like I never knew before. I grew up with a loving earthly father, but this love was different. Obeying Him was all I wanted to do. God was the opposite of everything the world presented Him to be, the very core of love itself. “He was good to me, He was kind to me, He restored my identity, He was a Father to me.’’ The void in my heart was filled. People sometimes say that you must first change then serve God, but I met God at my worst, I didn’t even desire to do what was right but that didn’t stop Him from pursuing me, wooing me to Himself (John 15:16). For this I am forever indebted and grateful.

Few years passed and I graduated top from university and got the job of my dreams. I travelled the world, had world class experiences by God’s marvellous grace. Few years down the line God would ask me to lay down my dream job, my acceptance into master’s program, my dream career, my family, my life for His purpose and calling.  Many people ask me how that experience was for me. To be honest at that moment it was hard because I was very ambitious and strong willed. I was attached to so many things. Today, I look back and would do it over and over again. God never forced me to make any decision, looking at what God did when He sacrificed His everything (Jesus) for me, it is but only a small thing, what is it that I had given up that God didn’t give me? Was it not God who gave Abraham both Isaac and the lamb for the sacrifice? Was Abraham not giving God back that which rightfully belonged to Him (God)? There is no sacrifice too big which God Himself has not given us. He only asks what is His because all things are His and we are mere stewards.

As I reflect on my past life my heart is filled with both gratitude and compassion. I was so broken and so lost. God took a nobody and made something out of my life, and that is what God can do for anyone. He is no respecter of men. Who is liken to God “He is Holy, righteous, just yet He associates Himself with us humans? He does not have to because He is God, yet He chooses to because He loves us so much ". Very humbling.

‘’What is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them?’’ Psalm 8:4

God doesn’t choose us because of what we bring to the table or what we can do for Him, even the little we bring He has given us. Out of His love and grace He uses us. God awaits to display His kindness and show the world through your life and my life, His marvellous grace so that when the world looks at us, they see Him. Maybe you think I need to be a certain someone for God to use me? May you find comfort in my story and in the story of many others.
“God uses the foolish things of this world” (1 Corinthians 1: 27)
”While we were still sinners God loved us” (Romans 5: 8).
You are everything the Father ever dreamed of. He wants to take your life and turn it around for His glory.

With Love & Care
Charmain Shalumbu.

More by
CHARMAIN SHALUMBU

Want to read more blog articles?

Subscribe to our blog | Sign up with your email address to receive news and updates.